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Mar 1, 2005
upset
Let the blood drip
down your fingertip
where I can see your anger die
and watch you lie
For you were my friend
and now my mind is so battered it will not mend.
You’ve done this before, you’ll do it again
Im not sorry for what ive done, I was being me.
Don’t you understand you cant rule my life, your another insignificant piece of the puzzle. I cant see you in a future with me any future- your disregarded, forgotten, the past.
How are you meant to grow-up if you cant get over the little things.
Don’t you understand, you have no part in my life, your just another who gets me and my inner into strife. I cant see you alive, for if you persist and strive, to annoy me and feed my hatred for you, I cant guarantee either of us will make it through.
Obviously you DON’T UNDERSTAND, you don’t GET IT, i don’t need social gratification to make myself happy- I. don’t. do. Happy.
I hide under the sheets, hiding from anything to harm, hoping I wont have to awake tomorrow to the alarm- if not wake up at all. Its so alone and lonely here I cant adjust to your ways of life.
I guess .. i ... just don’t understand.
yeh anyways thats how i feel atm ^^ and i dont think itll change for a while so ill keep it at that cause im not really in the mood for anything .. im feeling really deep at the moment. and when i feel deep i know that i cant get any worse or ill just be stuck liek that for a while.
medical therapists- suck. people- suck. friends-worthless, enemies-you can rely on.. i mean really what the fuck is the point of this. i have a sister whos been depressed since she was 14 and when ever shes on a high that used to be my low and her new low is almost suicide i mean fuck she has 5 kids.. under 7 ... and then i have total dickwads who are like ahh im so depressed because they're parents are divorcing or wat the fuck ever i mean try + my sisters getting depressed my moms flying up on thurs or fri to put her into a mental health ward [psyc ward] ... depression in our family is pretty much hereditary + my dads getting way to stressed and loosing so much weight and has to go in for surgery to get his sinus's done and something else but they wont tell me cause 'itll stres me out' + my other sister in canada we havent heard from in ages + my bestest friend .. [alice] is suidical and was put back into the hospital [mental] incase she tried doing it again + my cat has an on going virus from a paracit being in his blood and them not finding it +ex's dad has got cancer so he puts all his problems on me + its turning into a major conspiracy and i just have gotten to the part where i dont give a fuck anymore
there are certain people- not to mention- have been what i call, immature and unreasonable and other people who just 'have issues but deal with them in other ways' i mean fuck hows that being an arrogent self centred whore all you do is be a bitch when i bitch its me being a bitch but fuck me man would you like to draw anymore attention to yourself by being as crude as you have been recently.. ive given up so if your reading this and you know it applies to you - theres a few of you- then im sure you'll take offence and uno wat.. TAKE IT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR RECTUM CAUSE IM BEYOND CARING ABOUT YOUR OPINION ON ANYTHING CAUSE YOU ALTERED THE TRUTH ONCE AND I KNOW YOULL DO IT AGAIN! SO FUCKING DIE
Posted at 10:13 pm by princessjem
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Feb 23, 2005
SOMEONES GOING TO FUCKIN DIE
fucked off
today was totally fukt its official i broke my nail.. now its fuckin hurting cause i have nothing to protect the skin on the end of my finger... my mobile phone got stolen and that just fucks me off to the maximum i mean fuck
as if my nail braking wasnt bad enough.. im seriously contemplating drowning sloth.. im like so sure he did it and fuck it just fucks me off cause i know that he woulda already gotten rid of it by now and shit so i have nothing on him which erks me even more and soon i have swimming training so im jus tleft to go grrrish and no one! fuck
fuck fuck fuck i dont know what else to say.. oh the one good thing- me and cass can do a joint thing for religion.. but still FUCK MOTHER FUCK IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY !!! HES GOING TO DROWN!
i dont know whether to be more pissed at me for being so irresponsible with it or with him for taking it and obviously not giving it back its just so fuckin immature i hope he ends up sodimized in jail with all the child sex offenders who like scrawny teenage guys like him.. just .. i mean.. fuck
Posted at 04:04 pm by princessjem
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Feb 22, 2005
tempted by the sorrow that leads the heart
nathans erking me again hes always like blah blah blah lets meet up then hes to busy i just feel like going DONT TALK TO ME TILL YOU CAN MAKE SOME TIME FOR ME cause he always expects me to drop something to come see him and i cant drop swimming and i cant drop school and thats basically my life these days .. i cant go out to parties as much cause iam getting WAY to exhausted!
lFAR OUT ITS HOT! ok i just realised its ment to be freakin winter isnt it? am i the only one who doesnt understand how our summer can be our winter and vise versa i mean sure occassionally its like ahhh im freakin freezing im talking to chris.. this random from canada he seems cool [ he he he i hope he reads this :D ] umm i was going to say something important then- oh thats right hes like its cold *shivers* and im all ahh its hot *watches sweat pour from her fore head - well not literally cause im in air con, not to mention HOW CAN I SEE MY FORE HEAD WITHOUT A MIRROR FOOL. yeh you didnt think of that didja :P
dum de dum dum dum.. ok so im thinking i need to get this site ' out there' so ill just chuck the link into my msn screen name and then a bazillion ppl will like go OMG ITS JEMZ SITE HEHEH LETS SEE IT! oh and im takin ' shugah' [ muh baby digi cam shes so bootiful] to school tomorrow to take a bazillion pics well prolly just like 10 or so and then ill chuck em on this site then ill make another blog or site ort something for everyone to just go onto.. or i could be tré lame and just do a msn groups thing ha ha ha how stupidly silly but do able .. hmm im contemplating it now.. good work fools
i shall be off.. uno what else im contemplating ... - me going to swimming training i think i should but i dont know if i can be bothered but i did tell pip id go today but i have a.c.c tomorrow but i have MASSIVE assignments due and i dont know if its totally worth it or not? dont know.. ill get back to yas! ciyassss .. ciyas .: cuddles :.
Posted at 03:54 pm by princessjem
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Feb 21, 2005
bored
today was the usual boring as fuck day at school. shannans party is this friday i dont know if i can go. nathans still hastling me about meeting up sometime this week dont think it will happen thou we are just way to sporty and shit to meet up and do anything cause hes qld indoor cricket player and im yet to try out again this year for qlds coming up within the next few months.
lifes tré boring so freakin bored of it all dont know what to do.. theres nothing FOR me to do.. hang out, school, swimming that seems to be my life.. oh and soonish work but im bored of that already too. shannans party will prolly be pretty fun considering ill be getting plastered ive decided no getting plastered until the weekend. so im being angelic once again yay!
beth beth and me are going adventure whoring this weekend that should be fun. but yeh still dont know, contemplating being a 'typical' teenager and being a whore.. or just being a me teenager cause its more fun? dont know ?
this should all end.. right about now would be good im so fuckin bored.. there needs to be something REALLY really REALLY eventfull in my life.. like me getting a bazillion dollars.. or something?
im so bored ahhh kill me.. ha ha ha i love chatting on yahoo its always enlightening. ok well i now have swimming training so i guess thats all from me.. this blogs drive site is weird ill eventually work out how to link to another page on this site.. hopefully before i decide to do a whole site with html and just fuck the whole template AND html AND all that other bullshit he he ha .. ciyas .: cuddles :.
Posted at 04:28 pm by princessjem
Permalink
Feb 20, 2005
hey first entry and i have a sad entry sorry:(
i fucked up. majorly fucked up. i did something too/with someone i shouldnt have and it was something so bad that either one of us could go to jail and now im totally fucking scared.
im so sick of the shit i put myself through i say and do things i dont mean and then later i haev to pay for the consequences. theres something wrong with me. why am i such a mistake- everyone has to escape from knowing me, from being with me from seeing me. to much shit happens that causes ppl my age to do things to end themselves, to extinguish the pain, relieve themselves and yet no one asks tells themself that they just added to the pain building inside. We just aquire all of these memories with someone then when something happens we are able to choose from 2 different pathways the long term or the short term. admitedly, i take the short term because i feel this will benefit me int he long term- yet i dont question why i chose one compared to the other.
The memories we share, the possessions we own, the friends we make, the friends we loose, the lust and love that once existed- isnt present anymore. How could someone create such a presance where you finally achieve everything everyone aruond you wants but once you reach the end, your nothing more then everyone else, a person. we all have issues but we cant just end it all- or can we. its selfish to the people around us, its a way of ending the pain and sorrow we are left to feel when we can no longer withstand the pain that seeps through our body. it must be lonely to die alone but i doubt we are alone forever. thinking about the past[in general] there are plenty of mistakes ive made some for the better most for the worse.
Ive fucked up one to many times to understand that it happens to everyone- it all seeems such a conspiracy. some may say i think its cause im self absorbed but the fact is, unlike most, i dont have many people to turn to because when i have before they've always been there to kick me when im down. this may seem like such a joke but so does my life. everyone around me has something to care about, someone to turn to- to count on, but im different in the sense that i cant turn to anyone and i dont care about things because all i want is for this to be over.
i have to much remorse for my existance- perhaps the world would have benefitted from no knowing that i as myself even existed.
have you questioned why you were react the way you do to things no matter how hard you try not to? its because you basically were already decided how you were before you were born you have your mothers and fathers biological existance- what if your parents werent ment to exist either? what if you were the mistake of it all becuase your parents werent ment to have you?
i can question my existance for as long as i want- pondering and post poning actions to end it all but all i know is that- im not wanted and im a screw up... cant someoen just end it all please
Posted at 05:21 pm by princessjem
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Hey Im Jemieka ! people call me jem but wat ever!
I'm 16 [ born on december 11 1988]
I do alot of stupid things i probably shouldnt mention--> but i know i will :P
About me
I heart:
Peoples who are themselves no matter what, people who speak their mind no matter what it is, people who open their mouth before they think-because then you know that they are telling the truth, musicians, actors, punks, non anal people, chocolate, snuggling, being loud, loud people, loud music.. lots more :)
I Lothe:
People who kiss ass just to fit in, anal people, guys who dont know what they want, people who are sad and bring others down with them, labelers, onions, leeks, locker keys...
one of my best friends who i owe my life to cause shes always there when i need her:
BETH
thats all for now.. ciya
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